Chocolate Hazelnut Spread

Jack loves Nutella.  RJ wants to save the orangutangs.  Why do these two things exclude the other you ask? Well, all commercially made chocolate hazelnut spread is made with palm oil.  And palm oil plantations destroy the natural habitat of orangutangs.  Since there is no way to determine what products that use palm oil obtain it ethically we don't have anything in the house that contains palm oil.  Well, we make a concerted effort at least.  However, nutella was the one exception.  Until the screaming, crying fit in Costco one day when I tried to slip the double pack into the cart without anyone noticing.  RJ noticed and gave me quite the lecture.  Jack noticed when I attempted to put it back and had a melt down.  Then the boys were having it at each other and I knew I needed to do something else.  
Jack is a picky eater.  I want to encourage RJ's need to be a servant of the planet.  
So, we agreed to get one more small jar and to look for alternate brands and then to make it ourselves.  No brand I found doesn't have it.  So the last jar was finished this week.  I found three recipes and away I went.  I bought the best ingredients I could afford and took 15 minutes this morning and made our first attempt.  
Success!  
Jack said, "It's just like nutella!" 
RJ said, "Thanks mom."

Whew, narrowly averted chaos.  What will I do when Jack decides next week it doesn't quite taste the same?  Try another recipe, and love my boys.   

Birthday Party Lament

How hard can a birthday party be really?  They are all under 5 ft tall, have unrefined taste buds and well, they are kids.  Come on, how hard can I make this on myself?  Pretty darned impossible, unreasonable and just down right ridiculous.  
To start the journey I lost track of time.  Having a summer birthday is the pits and so we decided after years of last minute desperate calls to anyone who was in town that might know my child's name invites, to schedule something before school is out.  Brilliant! Right, with all the crazy that is the last couple of weeks of school I choose to host a birthday party.  So of course I loose track of time and when he finally settles on what kind of party (B.J. the Clown, at the house) I find that there is only one date available for the next foreseeable future and have a lovely Friday night party on the books.  Less brilliant.  Then I forget to invite half the kids he wants to come because they don't go to his school and I can't possibly send out an e-vite, I have to hand make invitations that need hand delivering.  Thankfully they are understanding mothers and are used to my last minute shenanigans and will love my child by attending anyway.  Even less brilliant.  I think that I will have it really together and bake the cake two days early so that I can frost it early and it will be brilliant!  Cake is lopsided, I ran out of frosting and because it was baked too early or taken out of the oven too early it is a crumbly soggy mess and the great cake fix it of more frosting makes it worse.  Oh and did I mention that the frosting is different colors because I couldn't possibly buy the same kind of white icing.  Genius is slipping away.  So I make cupcakes instead.  What was I thinking?  Dropped the egg shell into the batter.  Awesome.  I had the oven set for 200 because of the pretzels I was making (????) and forgot to up the temp.  After 20 long minutes they weren't finished and I had no idea how to fix it.  Typical Mama E style I over-corrected and over cooked the cupcakes.  Fine!  I will buy a damn cake!  But wait, there is a way to mess that up too!  Leave it on the floor in the back seat of the car and let your child step on it while getting out to go to school.  #$@%*!  
Well, now that I am officially sick and totally over the top strung out, I decide to not cry in front of my child but shout.  Recovering rather quickly I pull him into my arms and apologize and explain that I can fix it.  I don't know how but I will manage.
After a long talk with my mum last night I was reminded of how I even got here and how grateful I need to be.  Just over six years ago I was told that I needed to sacrifice my lady bits in a very real and hard conversation with my doctor.  I was watching this little man of mine who was 18 months old and was told that if I kept them I would have cancer within 7 years and it would probably kill me because it is so hard to catch and treat.  I couldn't imagine not seeing my baby's 8th birthday so the surgery was the next month.  
Well, here I am being ridiculous about my son's 8th birthday because I didn't always think I would get to have it.  
I fixed the cake and it looks decent enough that he will be happy.  My house is a mess and I think that is going to have to be okay.  I'm going to love on my kids and do the best that I can.  There is no need to cry over a lopsided cake and burnt cupcakes.  There is enough icing in the world to fix a stepped on cake and it is amazing how Pinterest can help you craft a clown out of ice cream cones and gumdrops.  I wouldn't miss all these 7 years for anything and I am going to celebrate that I can be here now, for him.

 

Technology Tickets

Well that does it! I'm so tired of hearing about the games on the iPod, iPad, iHeadache, commercials and more terrible shows than Netflix can keep up with. I'm tired of signing the Mom Song and the fighting and the attitude and the loss of control that comes with technology.  So, thanks to Pinterest I have created a much more complicated version of Wii tickets/time.  Honestly, it looks like this because it is what I had at home at 10 o'clock at night and I didn't want to waste a day of getting them in line.
The kids get 10 tickets a week.  We are still deciding if it is M-F or Sun-Sat.  They can also earn extra reward time.  It applies to all things electronic except music.  Any time is rounded up to 30 minutes.  I hope that it is a better way of tracking and I get to spend less time nagging.

Peeps Wreath

The boys and I do this one every year, usually right at the start of Lent so I can enjoy the color as I drive up to the house.  Birds don't eat them, neither do I.  Since I was slower this year putting it together, instead I am going to take it to the office for a couple of days to brighten the space.

Since I have also embarked on the world of Pinterest, here are the directions.

Start with a 12" straw wreath.
Leave the plastic on and you can reuse it every year.
Poke toothpicks just over half way through.
Cluster together the Peeps.
Leave them to dry/harden over night before hanging.
Add a ribbon.
Ta Da!
I use about 7 boxes of peeps, multiple colors, the closer together the better. 
Sometimes I wrap a ribbon around the wreath before adding the Peeps, especially if someone has gotten to them before I have and there are fewer then expected.

Mama Love

I tell the kids all the time that when they are naughty or I am angry I love them the most/more then ever.  

That being said, there are times like this morning where I have to meet with a teacher before school/work and all I want to do is cry my eyes out and tell them to stop picking on my kid; while at the same time telling my kid to knock it off and stop picking on their teacher.  

I love being a mom and it is an amazing experience that makes my heart full to bursting.  It is a wild ride sometimes too, and if I was honest, I want to get off today.  

Guilt

This has become an Olympic Sport in our house.  Trained as I was in the art of second guessing, door mat and self-loathing.  I would make a good Catholic I think, if I could manage the kneeling.  

As a mom I found it could be ratcheted up to a whole new level that I couldn't even envision in my inexperience and days of sleeping in.  I have been keenly aware of my guilt and talk often with moms from all walks of life about this shared experience.  This last month though, I must say my elitist view of guilt came into sharp focus when Phillip was deciding on taking a new job.  He had moments of sheer panic that he wasn't going to be the kind of dad he wants to be with this great unknown work schedule.  He was not comforted by my insistence that the boys and I could manage and he would still be very involved.  I saw in his eyes and on his face the pain and debilitating grip that guilt holds me hostage to so often.  I knew that nothing I could say would assuage his feelings or ease the burden of this decision.  We spent the rest of the evening doing all the funky math that is required to determine your vacation hours earned per month in time for summer camp to ensure that he would still be able to go with both boys.  Guilt, you have taken my love, curse you!

Parent guilt.  I don't care if you work for a paycheck out of the house, work for a paycheck from the house, volunteer at levels that are debilitating or volunteer to cut things out at home.  I don't care if you spend all day with your children and are consumed by their every waking moment or are frantic to cram in quality time in what little quantity time you have.  We ALL are motivated by parent guilt.

Is this enough?  Is it too much?  Do I need to do more?  Do I need to do less?  Did I say the right thing?  How do I recover from saying the wrong thing?  Did I hug them enough today?  Is it wrong that I can't stand one more person using me as a jungle gym?  Is it okay to want a break that doesn't involve a lock on the bathroom door?  I just can't get enough of my kids, is that okay too?  

If I am honest with myself I feel guilt regardless.  Prime example is the dinner I put on the table.  If it is home cooked, all their favorites and meets all their nutritional/allergy/preferences I worry that I spent so much time not 'fully' engaged.  You know, the time where they no longer want to help cook, have homework, have been plugged in too long, need me to sign something about volunteering for something but I really DON'T want to burn things.  When I cheat at cooking and instead play a board game, read a silly book or just sit beside them while they are plugged in, I worry that I'm not feeding them well.  Really?  Really?  

So this common thread through parenting can eat us up.  Maybe spit us out, but probably not.  It drives us to do these crazy things, like compete with other parents.  We begin to judge others against the nonsense we have going on inside our minds, which remember are being held hostage.  This of course, if you have truly honed your skills at guilt, just adds another, deeper level of self loathing.

I don't know what the answer is, but I am actively talking about this 'shared' journey with other parents, well mostly other moms.  Guess what?  There is less guilt when you hear that no one else cleans the shower as often as you would like and there are shortcuts to a decent dinner and yes, while we all like a break outside of the bathroom, we are all grateful when we can even close the door so a lock is nothing to be ashamed of. 

And now?  Well, for all my progress, now I need to compete with Phillip?  Well crap!  Who's going to make dinner?

WHAT?

NO way has it been a year!  

Okay, so Jess, here is my first post and it is lame because I am at work and my camera is at home charging and I have nothing witty to say.  Yet.

I haven't done any more biscuits but I have kept at cooking.  To mixed results.  There were the pork chops that were burned on one side, raw on the other and one was cooked okay in the middle.  RJ doesn't even make eye contact with me on dinners like that.  He just uses a lot of sauce and hides his meat in the puddle.

I have mastered chili this year.  Evidenced by the empty pot from a scouting event.  Although I have been informed that teenage boys eat anything, I still count that as a mastered dish.  

Ooh, I did make meatloaf this last week and it was edible!  

There is much to catch up on so I will get my act together and do a sorta xmas card.  Good start Jess?

Biscuits II

There was a long moment when I was making this set of biscuits when I thought, "Can you decide to throw them away before they go in the oven?" Well, stubborn as I am, I didn't. Surprisingly they were the best batch so far. Okay, the best of two but still. Looks are deceiving. I was in a state of panic the whole time so I am just glad they aren't burnt. So here's the skinny....

This is a recipe for Cream Biscuits I got from the Fannie Farmer Cookbook. The cook/chef who created the recipe hosted cooking classes in Seaside, Oregon. Sweet! The recipe had some interesting quirks and caused me to pause and panic.
-Dough can feel tender? I thought that was just meat.
-Dough can be shaggy? What does shaggy dough look like? Shaggy like a hair cut?
-Is that too much milk?
-F! That is too much milk!
-Me: 'RJ! Can you throw some flour on the counter please?'
RJ: 'Why is this such a mess mom? Is it supposed to look like that? Why can't you do it?'
Me: 'Cooking can be messy with me.'
RJ: 'Right.'
-Can I just throw this away?
-Why don't they tell you to roll this out?
-Really need to find a better way to measure how thick the dough is. Didn't I say that the last time?
-Well, biscuit sticks are okay, right?
-Really, I have to drudge it through melted butter?
-Seriously, melted butter?
-Maybe they will taste good.

Well, don't judge my food based on how it looks. They were great! I must say that the melted butter was a huge help! This is a keeper of a recipe. Now I just need to work on it a bit so that they look better. Hmmm, cooking with mama can be messy. I did have to scrape the counters down before washing them.

Dinner

Yes, I have been cooking. Some dishes I have cooked well. There were some enchiladas in there somewhere. Today was very enlightening though. I made some pork chops that were cooked well, tasted well and the boys thought they were great. They were however done before the rest of the side dishes so they were a few minutes overcooked. Not dry per say but not tender. I mastered the art of standing facing the fridge and using the 'last of' a couple of things. Seared in a cast iron skillet, turned down the heat, added garlic and poured in the last of the orange juice. turned down the heat, covered and simmered. My challenge was with the Alfredo sauce that covered the pasta. Wasn't getting cooked fast enough so I turned it on high and whisked it until it was thick and bubbly. When pouring it over the pasta I found I had burned the bottom of the pan. UGH! Stove you VEX ME!
Thoughts during the experience:
-Pickled ginger goes bad?
-Note to self, check the pickles in the garage fridge
-Is that too much oil?
-Turn the heat down so they don't dry out
-Shoot the chops are done but the sauce isn't
-They wouldn't put 10 as an option if it wasn't necessary right?
-Whisk constantly
-WHY is there a HIGH feature if you aren't supposed to use it!!!!

Best result? RJ, 'This dinner is great mom.' Yes, he will be a great husband someday.

Biscuits #1

Like pickles this is a commitment for Phillip. He loves them. I started with the basic recipe found in the Better Homes & Gardens cook book. The red and white checked one. This is my go to book. It's the one that my grandmother, Muzzy got for me when I got married. All the women in my family have one and we even compare the changes that have happened over the years. Yes the original one still has the best pie filling recipes.

So biscuits. These were my thoughts while reading the recipe and attempting to follow them to the letter(ish).
10,10,10
Is the baking powder expired?
Alum & cream of tartar shouldn't be on the same shelf.
10 isn't very many
Don't answer the phone!
Is microwaving butter bad?
Does cream of tartar expire? 2 5/8 is closer to 2 1/2 then 2 1/4 They don't all fit! There are more then 10
Measuring the thickness of the dough is KEY
What do you do about leftover dough?
Using an oven light is rather deceptive
How much time do you add after opening the door?

YEAH, Success! Here are the pics. They were edible. Bland but edible.
I learned that I need a better way of gauging how thick something is besides my finger (the space from knuckle to knuckle on my pointer finger is one inch). Fresh ingredients are important, so is checking in advance that you have everything you need. You can microwave butter from frozen but only just a little bit. And I will move the alum to another shelf.
Also, biscuits are in my opinion, a vehicle for spreads AND should be served warm. Thankfully I have an abundance of spread choices from my preserves this summer. Including the softened butter and honey from the farm we were set. I was successful in getting flaky layers on the ones that were cooked all the way through (note the comments about opening the oven door).

What I really learned was that you really need to have uninterrupted time to cook. Phone calls, children's needs, TV shows, FB; really are a bit of a distraction. But given good planning I think that cooking is do-able. It became abundantly clear that I need to plan for cooking; recipes, ingredients, time etc. This is where the kicker is. I like to plan many things in my life, not as much as the other members in my family prefer and obviously not nearly enough for cooking either. So here we are week one and the growth that I realize I need in order to be successful cooking is not what I thought at all.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

New Year Commitment

Aside from the typical New Year Resolutions that are still on the list from last year: loose weight for more than 6 months; be a better wife/mom/friend/fill in the blank; save money (you get the picture). I decided to make a commitment instead. I am going to become a better cook. Oh stop the laughing right now! I mean it. I know that there have been, how shall we say it, incidents? I can safely say that I haven't hurt anyone with my cooking. And yes, I know it is because I won't let people eat it when it is that bad; i.e. flame throwing chicken. I would like to be able to cook better consistently.

So, I need a plan. Surprise! So here are my thoughts...
-Julia Child's book(s)? WAY to big of a book, not enough pictures.
-A new recipe a day? Uh, yeah no.
-Master a few things? Reasonable.
-A new recipe a week? Well, we'll see.

I decided then to have a more organic experience with reasonable expectations. For now.
I will commit to at least one new recipe a week AND master a few things regardless of how many times it takes.

This begs the question, what to master? Well, I have mastered a few things over the years, and by mastered I mean cook consistently well...
-Chili
-Chicken enchiladas
-Cranberry chicken
-Pineapple meatballs
-Brownies
-7 layer dip
-French toast casserole
-Roasted vegetables
Aaannnd I think that is it.
I can cook relatively decently although not consistently...
-Marmalade roasted chicken
-Mac & Cheese (yes, the kind from the box)
-Pesto lasagna
If you count preserves I can include in this category pickles & assorted jams.

I do want to cook biscuits well. Fish would be most excellent. Asparagus for sure. So those are totally on my goal sheet.

Now since this is Heather taking this on, you know this will be hysterical. So I also commit to sharing the journey. But only if you help. I will post my exploits...flaming chicken and all, if you give me recipes. I will try those that I think I can execute with safety in mind and my children's selective palate. I will also share pictures so that you can really enjoy the ride.

To mark my progress I would LOVE you to share your exploits of my cooking. I know there are some great ones out there. You can email them, post them on Facebook or I think you can leave posts here too.

So to start things off I will try to post the picture of the flame throwing chicken so you can enjoy the 'Best Of'.

New Girl Penny

Okay, the super short of it...

We got a new puppy!!!!!!!!!!!

Penny is Phillip's Fathers Day present. She is an English Bulldog. She is 5 months old. She is the joy of the family since losing Hammie.

Yes, Hammie passed away this spring. It was very hard but he was 11 years old. We missed him desperately and knew that we had to go in a different direction with breed. So Phillip got his dream dog.

Enjoy the photos!

Aaaaagggghhhhh

I am a bad, bad girl. I haven't been on this since August!?!

I promise. I got my camera fixed and will be better. Tomorrow. For now, well, it just is how it is. You all know me well.

U.S. Citizen

Well, leave it to the Federal Government to generally mess things up and make life complicated. In applying for my passport (since you need one now to renew your driver license and do everything but sneeze) I learned that I was not a legal citizen of the U.S. And due to the luck of all things that are Heather, I was neither one of Canada where I was born. Mercy! In all the law changes, rule changes, form changes; my changes (birth that is) were misplaced. And since 9/11 I now had to go through Homeland Security and prove why I deserved such an honor.

Needless to say, it has taken time, money and a sense of humor. I must say that it was easier then I imagined; there was only one form to complete and only 10 pieces of "authorized, notarized copies". It took less time then expected; only 6 months, not the 18 months I was told. It was not free.

I was given the privilege of being sworn in as a Citizen of the U.S.A. on Monday, August 31st at 8am. I was a very excited girl. I am still giggly about it really. I know, ask anyone else it was rather silly- I had to promise to bare arms if required by law and all, but I enjoyed the moment. Waiting an hour and a half to raise my hand for five was less then thrilling for the boys but how often do you get to experience something like this.

I was the only Caucasian. They mispronounced my name twice, in two different ways. I was the only one who spoke only one language. I had the largest cheering section and I DID NOT nod off like the teen at the end of the line;)

Here are the photos!

"I Swear"

Boys killin' time

Signing my name on EVERYTHING

Happy Girl

Me and my Certificate

Camping Trip

They were standing on a sign that said "Keep Off"

I took the boys camping last week. Since Phillip so eloquently puts it, "God did not intend for me to camp", it was just the three of us. Oh and the cousins. We spent two nights at Barview Jetty just outside of Tillamook. It only sprinkled one night so it was an odd trip, usually we get rained out! The big boys slept in a tent by themselves and fell asleep reading comics and talking. I was fiercely strict and insisted that the children be allowed to run in and out of the tents and jump on the air mattress, without shoes of course. I am not a neanderthal.

We spent three hours at the Air Museum and finally left because Kate and I couldn't take another minute. Who knew! We went to the cheese factory; enjoying the show, the samples and eventually ice cream. There were campfires and s'mores. Hot dogs and lots and lots of candy and grape soda. No showers, peeing in the bushes (the boys!) and the train. There was a Weather Rock in town. Note the sign, "Weather Forcast:ie rock is.......wet it is raining...white it is snowing...moving it is windy."

It was nice to get out of the office, away from town and to do something just the boys and I. The only bummer was that the Coast Guard said to stay out of the water because there were sharks close to the beach. Seriously? I have to say I was miffed because it was the first time I had gotten to the beach all summer and playing in the surf is one of the highlights for me. Maybe next time;)

Jack's Preschool

These photos are from his Family Fun Night and the party in the park on the last day.

Scout Events

Phillip attempting humor;)

Here are photos from his graduating to the next level and his group that went through a special religion piece this spring.

Frolicking in the fountain...

It's Summmerrrr!

Oh my gosh it is July!!!!!



We are getting RJ ready to head off to scout camp. This is the first year he does an overnight. He will be gone for three days and two nights. I am so excited! I think everything is packed and most of the patches are sewn to the shirt. He is really excited too. We'll see if he sleeps tonight at all. I am sure that by Wednesday he will be wiped out. It is amazing how quick they grow. I love to cheer them on as they gain independence. No longer my baby, but my little man.



Phillip has spent two weeks at home with the kids this summer so far. He is making the most of all the furlough and plant closures at work. The first week he had off was the first week of summer and my first week at work. He was very ambitious and set the bar high for the rest of the summer. They went to the Zoo, Omsi and a movie too. He had last week off too and there were more activities. He is doing quite well getting all the free events on the calendar and scheduling fun trips around town. It has been very nice for me.



I went back to work this summer and am a Preschool Director for the program that Jack was at last year. It is with a local congregation and is only part-time. It has been a nice way to shake the cobwebs off the brain. Slow to start but I'm getting there.



Here are a few photos...

Sleepin Babes

All tuckered out this Memorial Weekend. The boys spent the weekend at Nana & Papa's. When we went for the day it was a great time playing in the sand and resting.